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7 Things Highly Evolved Women Do Differently

This article is more than 7 years old.

Some women have really got it going on.

Their approach to life and work seems effortless, their blithe demeanor belies their deep wisdom—and when faced with adversity, they’re unflappable. Beyond their class and clout, they’ve got a core that’s rock solid.

You could say such a woman is highly evolved, imbued with a personal alchemy far more powerful in the business of life than an MBA.

So, what’s her secret? None actually—she’s just unapologetically herself.

But here are a few things she does exceptionally well:

1. She’s in competition with no one. The ancient Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu nailed it 2,500 years ago, writing (according to Stephen Mitchell’s modern translation), “Because she competes with no one, no one can compete with her.”

A highly evolved woman may be competitive, but only with herself.

2. She uses pain to motivate herself. Barbara Corcoran, the Shark Tank investor and founder of The Corcoran Group, shared with me how a painful breakup and the parting words of her ex (“You’ll never make it without me!” he spluttered) gave her the grit she needed in the early days of forging her career. She went on to create a successful real estate company worth hundreds of millions—and she did it by turning her despair into drive.

This kind of shift can be explained by physics. Energy can neither be created nor destroyed; it can only change forms. We know that pain stemming from whatever misfortune one faces can’t easily be dismissed. Highly evolved women such as Corcoran choose to channel that energy into something more, shall we say, worthwhile.

Pain is inevitable—for everyone. Suffering, as they say, is entirely optional. In the case of highly evolved women, adversity appears to drive rather than paralyze them.

3. She’s got “compartmentalizing” down to an art form. Or to use the term favored by behavioral economists, she does “mental accounting.” “We humans put things, people, tasks, money into mental accounts that we can deal with,” says Iris Bohnet, a professor at the Kennedy School of Government at Harvard University and author of What Works.Most women have a lot to juggle—different roles, demands on their time, responsibilities, societal norms—and can only succeed if they are able to compartmentalize accordingly.”

It’s simple to do but it’s not easy.

Professor Bohnet explains: “Much research shows that we generally are not great at mental accounting, as cognitive biases make us put things into the wrong boxes—or overweight, for example, the present compared to the future. But it is a skill that I believe many evolved women have developed—to do justice to everything we do and everyone we care about (including ourselves), be present in the moment, and not be overwhelmed by the sheer number of tasks.”

Effective compartmentalizing or “mental accounting” is also key to productivity.

4. She actively supports other women. Some may see this as unfairly favoring one gender over the other, but Subhashini Chandran, Principal Advisor at IMC Worldwide, an international development consultancy based in Nepal, feels differently.

Chandran used to be CEO of a large tea manufacturing company in India, having grown it from a modest family-owned business until she was unceremoniously relieved of her duties in 2012. It all came down to her gender: Her family felt it timely and more appropriate to insert a male at the helm of the successful company that she had earnestly dedicated her life to building.

While this may have been an utter shock to Chandran, it was hardly surprising. Such thinking and practices are the norm in her country as in many parts of the world.

Following this disquieting experience and after much soul-searching, Chandran decided that from then on she was going to “offer my talent, capacities, networks, reputation and friendship only to those who live gender equity in action.”

It’s hugely laudable, but doesn’t such a stance inadvertently lead down the slippery slope of reverse discrimination?

“Whatever it takes to bring along all vulnerable pockets of humanity who were left behind and are being held back must be done,” she responded. “Regardless of what some may call it, the fact remains: We are all equal and must be perceived and treated as equal, and deserve access to equal opportunities. Yet we are far from realizing this goal. I happen to take a stand for women and girls. It does not imply I have taken a stand against progressing men's rights. It is our collective responsibility and duty to equalize rights and access for all.”

Amen.

Side note: Chandran’s journey comes back to the lesson in point #2 which bears repeating—she could have remained bitter about her family’s egregious decision to remove her as CEO; instead, she used the heartache as a launch pad to find her true mission in life: being a beacon to girls and women.

5. She operates from a place of objectivity. A highly evolved woman doesn’t believe everything she thinks: She recognizes her own inner biases and works not to let them affect her decision making. And when stuff happens, she doesn’t take it personally, as if it happened to her.  It happened.

Dr. Lauren Hazzouri, psychologist and founder of Hey Lauren, says highly evolved women “see themselves as being separate from their human experience.”

This might sound a bit “out there,” but there’s actually a fascinating psychological basis for it.

“It allows them to respond and not react to their environment (both immediate and the broader social context) and to society, in general,” explains Dr. Lauren. “Objectivity keeps them from internalizing the warped societal messaging they receive from birth. They are so fully engaged in their love and their light—bringing all that they are to the world around them—that the nuances of the human condition that have the tendency to distract others (toxic friendships, unhealthy relationships, drugs, alcohol, body image concerns, etc.) are not only unattractive to them but seen as a waste of time, energy, and value.”

6. Humility is second nature to her. Interestingly, all the women I quote in this piece scoffed at the idea that they may be highly evolved women themselves (although they really are.) They regard themselves as work in progress. It would appear that humility is another common trait they share.

As Dr. Lauren views it, “Highly evolved women recognize that they are a necessary piece of the big picture—not the big picture itself.” She says humility “allows them to understand the importance of connection, community, and encouraging other women.” (Going back to point #4.)  “They have made the shift from self-centered to others-centered, recognizing that there is something bigger and better than themselves.”

And of course, with humility comes a deep desire to continue learning, which enables them to evolve.

7. Above all, she’s authentic. To Chandran, a highly evolved woman “constantly aligns her inner and outer self,” and “musters the courage to wear her heart on her sleeve, speak her mind and harmonize her actions with both.”

In a world that at times seems overrun by fake news and by fake people who manage to dupe both themselves and others, it’s refreshing to encounter the kind of person who is the real deal—true to herself and the people around her.

Being super evolved doesn’t require you to rigidly follow an unforgiving mental regime. Nor should you feel compelled to start gulping down kale smoothies, sign up for an Ashtanga yoga class or constantly emit a saccharine-sweet positive vibe.

It begins, in fact, with just being yourself: being the you that lies beyond whatever or whoever came along and messed you up, the you that exists over the limits you placed on yourself because of insecurities and fears. It’s in that space that you start to evolve.

And if you strive for it, it will be the best thing you could ever do for yourself—and the world.

Hit me up on Instagram @maseena or Twitter @maseenaziegler